I decided to start a blog. Why would I do that?? I have to take myself back to high school, Bishop Loughlin Memorial, 1979, when as a freshman I joined the newspaper, as an after school activity. I found out I expressed myself well and often better, when I wrote. I was basically shy and sheltered, but I felt free and happy when I wrote.
I thought I would become a journalist like Barbara Walters or write for a newspaper, like The New York Times. I had attended free workshops at Columbia University for aspiring high school journalists, and received an honorable mention award in a Catholic newspaper for catholic school high school students. I was listed in both my junior and senior years of high school in Who’s Who Among American High School Students for my journalistic endeavors. I was ready to study journalism. I was ready! Maybe I could be an entertainment reporter since I loved feature articles. I had been reading The National Enquirer and Star Magazine since I was very young. Celebrity gossip was so cool. I knew all of Liz Taylor’s business.
Even with all this momentum around me, I felt no one around me truly supported my dreams. I didn’t have the self-esteem and inner strength to be a cheerleader for myself. Oh, if we could do a rewind, the things we could change……..
I believed the negativity hype. I heard that it was harder for blacks in that industry or how someone they knew didn’t do well in the profession. Instead, I pursued less creative paths. I was a paralegal and then a librarian, but always kept journals and didn’t turn down opportunities to participate in newsletters at work. I had a knack for writing and I knew it.
I have had a lengthy period of health issues. Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, migraines, carpal tunnel and chronic pain finally took their collective toll and I could no longer work. Fibromyalgia makes it difficult for my brain to put thoughts together. Reading and writing that has always come easily, became a process of labor. It still is a struggle to get my thoughts down. This is why I decided to blog. I don’t want my gift to disappear, because of my chronic illness. I know now to fight for myself and for what I want.
I have practiced Buddhism with the SGI-USA for the past 10 years and my goal is to be happy. Nichiren Buddhism, teaches that each person has within the courage, wisdom and compassion to face and surmount any of life’s challenges. If you watched the film, What’s Love Got to Do With It, about the life of Tina Turner, starring Angela Bassett, you heard her chant -Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. We all see how Tina’s life changed when she started to chant.
So, I’m going to be happy despite the obstacles in my life. I have changed from my core, so I am brave enough to blog. I’ll write about the everyday, give insight about living with chronic illness. I’ll write about the mundane and the amusing. I’ll blog about what upsets me, enlightens me and what makes me, ME. Winning in life is what’s important no matter what. So as I blog I may face failure, criticisms and everything in between, but I believe in me and know this is the right time to write for me and to share it with others. I hope you will join me on my journey, finally fulfilling a dream.