Too Many Hashtags

My heart hurts. My soul hurts. My mind is racing. It could have been any of my male relatives. It could have been any of my male friends. The occurrence has become so common, it could have been me. How many more have to die? I’m emotional and angry and filled with questions about humanity.

Why are all black people a threat even when we don’t behave or do anything that suggests that? Our mere presence is not a threat. We live in the land of the free and the home of the brave. That doesn’t seem to ring through for my people, who possess melanin in their skin.

How many parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, sons, daughters and cousins have to hold a press conference, rally, protest, pray, cry in front of the television cameras, before my people are viewed as humans beings with full and meaningful lives?

If someone made mistakes in their past, and had run ins with the law; they deserve due process, if suspected of wrongdoing. They don’t deserve 4 shots to the chest with a cop on top of them. Use your handcuffs and arrest them and leave them to the judicial system.

Black Women, Black Men, Black Children, Black Teens- none of us feel safe anymore.  Apparently we are all threatening, no matter what we do or how we are dressed or our educational level-even when we are not doing anything wrong. When we do what others do on a daily basis- selling things, looking at merchandise to purchase, playing in a park, listening to music with friends, driving, seeking help after a car accident or just walking home, we end up DEAD. Not just one shot to stop us, we get 41 shots when they mistake our wallet for a weapon.  Why is that??? We know why. It needs to be acknowledged.

People will openly grieve for killed gorillas, lions and jaguars, but not for black people. I then hear he/she asked for it and a myriad of reasons why they deserved it. Enough already. What has happened to our moral compass and humanity?

There have been too many hashtags. Each one represents lives lost. The names drop like thunderstorm rains. Since the first video seen in 1991 showing the horrendous beating of Rodney King  by the LAPD,  we began to see up close, modern-day versions of  lynchings. There were 3959 lynchings of black people that occurred in Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, and Virginia between 1877 and 1950. No one went to prison for beating Rodney King.

In 1955, Emmett Till’s mother showed the world, the face and body of her son. A group of white men in Mississippi, kidnapped him out of his bed, beat,shot, tortured and drowned her 14-year-old son. No one went to prison for this child’s murder.

12-year-old, Tamir Rice was playing, like a child should in the park, with a toy gun, Police drove up to him and in 22 seconds, he was shot and later died. They wouldn’t even allow his sister to comfort him in his last pain filled moments. A gun was drawn on her. No one went to prison for this child’s murder.

His life was worth $6 million dollars. That’s what his family received from the city of Cleveland as a settlement for their lawsuit against the city.

There have been so many more deaths since young Tamir.  According to The Guardian 136 black people in 2016 have been killed by law enforcement  This includes Alton Sterling and Philando Castile.  In the past two days we watched one man being executed  (2 different views from survelliance and cell phone cameras) and the aftermath of the execution of the other.

Mr. Castile’s girlfriend and her 4-year-old daughter are forever traumatized, because they were sitting in the car, while he was shot. If not for video, no one would have known. I’m surprised his girlfriend was not shot. After the shooting, she was arrested and held for 5 hours. I am no fan of Facebook Live, but we wouldn’t have had the video without it.

Black and Brown people have the task of telling their children how to talk to the police. It’s a conversation that white parents don’t have. But what do white parents tell their children about black and brown people?  These white children grow up to join police departments around this country.

Please tell them this about black and brown people- we love, we are spouses, we dance, we worship, we like to have fun, we go to movies, we love our  children, we find work we love, we attend college, we read books (I’m a librarian), we make mistakes, but continue to grow as people. We enjoy the company of our friends and family, we have feelings. We are flesh and blood.

We are not pets (People try to touch and stroke our hair, invading our person without asking us.) We are not here on this earth for your amusement or your abuse. We are your equals and not beneath you. Do not be afraid of us and then take a job to serve and protect us.

Anyone who is not black, please start having different conversations with your children, with your friends and your co-workers. I know that many white people understand and are with us, they support us and protest with us. Thank you for being human. But, there are so many that are not with us.

Activist and actor Jesse Williams made a speech recently and he said “we know that police somehow manage to deescalate, disarm and not kill white people everyday. So what’s going to happen is we are going to have equal rights and justice in our own country or we will restructure their function and ours.

The time is now. The last two days prove it. How do we start? There has to be a change in how police departments are run, how officers are trained, including learning cultural sensitivity. They need to be held accountable when they do wrong and kill unarmed people.  The good cops need to be courageous and expose co workers who are not up to the task that their difficult jobs entail. If they are racists, they have no reason being on the job.

I looked to my spiritual and life mentor, Daisaku Ikeda for some guidance, this is what I found and I believe everyone should read it.

human rights

Let’s be human and respect one another. This pain,suffering and bloodshed has to stop. It’s just too much for the psyche and for the heart.


Hair… Hair… Everywhere…..

As a Black woman with Locs (there is nothing dreadful about my hair, so i never say dreadlocks), I have been thinking a lot about hair this week. First, because of the rightful uproar after Giuliana Rancic of E! Fashion Police said that the faux locs hairstyle worn at the Oscars by teen star Zendaya Coleman looked like it smelled of patchouli oil and weed. Secondly, because of an article erased from titled, Why We Need More Relaxed Hair on The Red Carpet?  Really??

Women and their hair… How many times have we seen pictures, commercials, magazine articles and the like talking about beautiful tresses? Shampoos, conditioners, blow dryers, hair rollers, curling irons are sold by the millions, all in the pursuit of perfect hair. There’s even a phrase in our culture, I’m having a bad hair day. When some women need to undergo chemotherapy, they are devastated that they will lose their hair. Hair is a big thing for women. In this “mainstream’ society, long, flowing straight Caucasian type hair is supposedly what most women want.

What about those of us that don’t grow that type of hair?  For Black women, it appears to me, that our hair is both a curiosity and at the same time frowned upon.  We are considered radical when we wear our hair in it’s natural state. Some employers  and schools even have policies against wearing locs and afros. Such was the case of young Tiana Parker. When her story broke in 2013, her charter school’s  dress code specifically said “hairstyles such as dreadlocks, afros, mohawks, and other faddish styles are unacceptable.” How can hair that grows out her head be considered a fad? The school has since changed it’s policy. So, our hair is not acceptable. Yet, some folks feel that they can reach out and touch our hair, as if we were a pet wanting to be caressed. I’ve seen it happen and i know women and men to whom this has happened.  If I don’t  know you, Do Not Touch My Hair! I have no idea where your hands have been, if they are clean, what type of negative energy is inside of you that will transfer to me and it’s just plain rude.

I have soft, fine textured kinky hair. During my lifetime, I have mostly worn my hair straight. I used a hot comb. I wore it relaxed. I made my hair submit to chemicals and then fought with it to get some type of curls. I started wearing a weave when my hair started thinning out due to the abuse I was giving it. Then, I saw the movie Good Hair.

It was then, I realized exactly what type of damage I was doing to my hair and quite possibly my brain. Hell, I need my brain! So, I wore braids for about 18 months as I grew the relaxer out of my hair.  My hair was now in it’s natural state. I had always liked Locs.(The looks of singer Caron Wheeler and actress Lisa Bonet made me want them). I felt discouraged to wear them in my twenties because I knew people, including the family I lived with, would not approve of them. This due to the stereotypes associated with them. In my forties I felt freer to do it. I decided to go ahead and loc my hair. I was older and more confident. Having fibromyalgia makes it hard to raise my arms up and do all the things necessary to comb out and work with natural hair. I felt it would be easier on my body to loc my hair. My hair has never been healthier or longer.

There are a few ridiculous thoughts about loc wearers. Number one is that we do not wash our hair. If that’s true, someone help me move all the shampoos and conditioners that I have under my sink. I have way… way…  too many and buy from many black owned companies, including my friend, Buttafly Jonez who makes her products by hand.  Number two, is that we all smoke weed. News Flash! I have never, ever, ever (singing like that Taylor Swift song) smoked weed. I wouldn’t even know where to buy some or how to inhale. I think everyone should do some research on locs instead of assuming things. I say this because, even my own people at times can’t even tell the difference between braids and locs and buy into the stereotypes. We have an internet, lets use it to educate ourselves.

Back to that removed article. Essence is a magazine geared towards Black women. I remember throughout my youth that Essence uplifted us. It didn’t pit natural hair against straight hair. It embraced all of our beauty no matter how we chose to wear it. In 2005 Time Warner purchased Essence Magazine and it has changed. That article actually said that relaxed hair represents the majority and that it’s mainstream. Relaxed hair should be represented on the red carpet. Lupita Nyong’o and Viola Davis, show me different. Relaxed or Natural, Curly or Straight….. It’s all beautiful as long as it is healthy hair.

In the past few years, many black women have decided to embrace their own naturally grown hair and have gradually decreased their use of relaxers. This article shows the foolishness that I really can’t stand. The “mainstream” already tells us that we as Black women are not attractive enough or desirable. They believe that our looks and hair are wrong. Now we have “mainstream “people owning a magazine that should be the safe place for black women. A place where we should always feel beautiful. They are telling us that to look elegant we must conform to their standards.  I had been a subscriber to Essence in my late teens. Through a purchase at a clothing store, recently I was given a free subscription . When this subscription ends, I am done. I may not even read the ones that arrive. I am really saddened.

I am tired of having to look like everyone else. I want to look like myself. I want to look like the person I was born to be, with my type of hair as it grows out my scalp. I want little black girls to look at my hair and see they can wear it like this, if they choose to. There are options.  I am attractive and elegant with my locs. I am no less smart because of my hairstyle. Hair is not my definer and neither is the “mainstream”. I will define myself and my beauty.

Zendaya quoted singer India Arie in her letter response about the poor word choices about her faux locs and so will I..

I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations no no
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am a soul that lives within

Does the way I wear my hair make me a better person?
Does the way I wear my hair make me a better friend?
Does the way I wear my hair determine my integrity?
I am expressing my creativity.

Sing it India!