Day 8- 30 Day Writing Challenge

Today’s topic was challenging for me.  I debated even blogging today.  I don’t walk around feeling, woe is me all the time. Writing means I am in touch with my feelings and should write them down. This is my reality. People don’t or won’t understand it. Most days, I’m a pillar of strength. Some days, I’m just human and want my old life back.

Share Something You Struggle With.

Living with chronic pain is my struggle and all that comes along with that.

Day after day living in distress inside your body is very difficult and often discouraging.

Not one day goes by without something aching. My largest struggle is that I never know which body parts the pain will strike that day.  Doctors will ask on a scale of 1-10, how severe is your pain? The numbers can be skewed because each body part has its own pain scale. Some days, it’s at a 50 everywhere!

With the pain, usually comes fatigue. It can get so bad, I can’t even get out of bed. I struggle to stand, sometimes feeling like I could crumple in a heap on the floor. I will wait until I can’t wait any longer to go to the bathroom. The smallest task can seem gargantuan on those days.

I have also struggled with physically feeling so much older than my actual age. I don’t look 52 in the face, but I feel like 80 years old in my body. I’m not able to do many things I used to.  I’ve lost some of my independence.

Riding a bus or train was a simple task. I haven’t done either for 5 years. I can’t shop or walk all day and explore as I’ve done in the past. I can’t make a last minute decision to go somewhere unless I have money for an Uber or car service.  I have to book trips a day or two in advance if I have appointments. I get picked up by a service and have no control if they are late picking me up or dropping me off.

I’ve definitely struggled with only getting money one time a month and making it s-t-r-e-t-c-h, in a city that is quickly being gentrified and the price of everything is on the uprise.

I’m still trying to get used to all the ways I’ve had to adapt and change my life.  I have aspirations and dreams that I’ve had to put on hold. I don’t know for how long or if they will ever come to fruition. I try to live every day with short-term, reachable goals. That way I feel I’m accomplishing something.

Struggles are a part of life and I have to believe my struggles won’t always take center stage in my life. I know some victories are coming. If I utilize my faith, the victories will be immeasurable. I can’t wait!

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